A couple quotes

"A Foster Mother's Love for Orphans is MORE POWERFUL Than Their Fear of 
Their Own EMOTIONAL SUFFERING." -Sheila Chester




I couldn't find the quote I was looking for, this one is close. My friend sent me a quote today that sums it up perfectly for me (above). 

The long goodbye.

We had a nice weekend hanging out, making memories. On Monday everything was turned into our school district. She should be able to start that Tuesday.

My alarm went off, I headed straight for the bathroom to get ready for the day. Michael went the opposite direction to wake up the girls and make sure they were ready on time. Sounded like the first day ever Maddie didn't have a need to "stretch" (her automatic excuse for being slow). They were both up and ready well before I was. 

I was finishing up when I noticed a text. The caseworker had text about 7:20 am. The text said something to the effect of Lacey will have a visit with her mom at noon and we've found an aunt she'll go to live with right after her parent visit. Keep her home from school if you're able.  .......??!!! What?! We were literally about to walk out the door to school, shoes on, backpacks ready, coats in hand. 

I call Michael into the room and show him the text. I'm sure my face was not a pleasant one. I was confused. We quickly made a new plan; told the girls about the text (they were shocked and confused as well). Then Michael was on his was to take Maddie to school. (He ended up telling me later that Maddie had cried on the way to school. Lacey wasn't happy at the news, but no tears.)

I just stood there for what seemed like an hour. What was happening? How could this be happening so fast? How is this what's best for her reunification with her Mom? We had made plans for that evening with my parents to eat Pizza Hut and the next night have a birthday party for Lacey. I quickly text my mom saying cancel the plans. I also text my best friend just to vent. I was still confused. Where had this aunt been all this time?! WHY hadn't she been making plans before now? Honestly I was pissed. I'm not even sure why or where this feeling was coming from.

By the time Michael had made it home Lacey and I had packed up her belongings along with a few donated items from a new friend of Lacey's. (She wanted to take all P's donated things, btw lol). All of her items in backpacks, small shopping-style bags and Walmart bags. The best we could do on such short notice (some of which she came here with). All packed into the car for later that afternoon.

I'll spare you the long, drawn out, confusing, and downright irritating day. It was a mess we'll just say. It ended with a call from the CW saying the team wasn't fully on board with the move, she'd just stay with us a couple more days if that was alright. Of course I wasn't about to move her again, just to turn around and move her again to the aunt's.

The rest of the week was mostly Lacey and I hanging out at home. Mostly doing nothing. A few games, chitchat, and reading breaks. Less quiet reading alone was going on than I would have liked, but I didn't want to push. We went ahead with the Pizza Hut dinner, where they gave her a whole tray of brownies (had to share with the rest of us, too much sugar for one!). After, we let her pick out a cake and decorations to add to it for the party the following day. 

Thursday around 7:30 am another text from the CW... "If I come get her in an hour can you have her things gathered and ready?" Her stuff was mostly still packed and ready from before, no sense in unpacking. I then realized she still had stuff in our car, but Michael wasn't home from work. The CW said it was fine she'd just get it later (again, for some reason, that really annoyed me. Why couldn't she just wait a few minutes so Lacey could take all of her belongings at once? She'd been through enough without leaving things behind). Luckily they hadn't gotten very far down the road when Michael pulls in. She was able to take all of her stuff with her to her aunt's (by this time Lacey was more accepting of the move). As I put the last bag in the car (Lacey was already buckled in, new art set on her lap, ready to go) I tried to tell her bye, I'd miss her, and I hope she liked her aunt's house, but she was not very responsive. Honestly, that hurt for a second. I realized later she was "behind a wall" trying to protect herself from more hurt, or so I imagine....

This is hard. A different kind of hard than anyone can prepare you for. At the same time, it's a good kind of hard..  💔

First 24-ish Hours

Another crazy day. Maybe not "crazy" exactly, just busy and more to do than I expected. It seems like it has been more than one day. Has it really only been 24 hours since my last post? Wow... and I thought I was tired before. haha I've heard it's a bigger change going from 1 to 2 kiddos than it is going from 2 to 3 kiddos. Let's just say, going from one to two was enough of a change in a short time.

When my alarm went off this morning I wasn't even sure I'd slept. I was a bit confused as to why it was going off so soon after I closed my eyes. The girls, on the other hand, seemed to sleep peacefully.

Lacey (our newest addition) hopped right up and was eager to go for the day. Maddie, not so much. Big surprise there. A couple more tries and she was out of bed, too.

I walked to my bathroom to brush my teeth while they were getting ready. I turn around and there is Lacey with a dress. "Can I wear this?!" She asked with an eager smile. It's a snowy 10ish degrees here. How do I tell her no without hurting her feelings? As carefully and caring as I could, that's how. I explain that it's too cold out for a dress; I don't want her to be cold. Let's pick something else.

The "something else" turned into a bit of a process. She had just gotten a new Hello Kitty short-sleeved shirt and leggings. Her second choice. Umm... again, it's 10 degrees... I thought let's throw some jeans on under the shirt (no thicker leggings to choose from) and add a sweater. Do you know how hard it is to match Hello Kitty pink? Pretty dang hard it turns out! A couple trip ups later, she has one of Maddie's thin jackets stuffed into her backpack, just in case she gets cold. Hair in a pony and boots picked out to wear. No toothbrush.

Her caseworker shows up to transport her to school (I'll spare you more details lol). She would stop by the office to pick up a toothbrush.  She informs me that we will be transferring her to our school district, and I'll need to sign a form. She will let her school know this will be her last day and I'll be there to pick her up at the end of the day. OK... I didn't take it as a definite, right now kinda thing. For some reason I was expecting that process on her end to be lengthy and she'd let me know more later.

Afternoon rolls around and still no sign or call. I text to confirm the plan. No answer. A bit later (sorry, I honestly have no idea of time) I call. No answer. By this time it is getting closer to 2... I'm thinking if I have to get things signed at the school I need to know a definite. Thankfully she calls back within a few minutes. Off to the school office it is.

To make a long story simi-short all the paperwork gets signed and turned into our school district. It's after 3 by now. We make a mad dash to Maddie's school so we don't miss her getting off the bus at home (we're not there!). I brief the secretary that they'll more than likely have a new student Monday (the lady at the central office seemed to think it would be finished in time).

Rushing to get to Lacey's school by 3:35 pm when they let out. We didn't quit make that time, but all was fine there. The ladies in this office hand me a packet of papers and say this is all her new school will need. OK. I explained the other school should be faxing them a form or emailing one to give permission for the papers to be transferred. I don't really understand why but they really wanted me to hand deliver this packet, and almost refused to fax them. I still don't get it. I guess they thought it'd be faster this way.....?? All still seemed well.

As we're on our way home the phone rings. It's the new school. Hmmm... not too concerned, figured it was just a question or 2. The secretary informs me she spoke to the principal and since her papers are not there they can't, by law, let her start Monday. (Insert head banging here. Thanks other school for not also faxing) I gladly offer to bring her the packet, we're in the car anyway. Apparently there are some kind of updates they have to make to their system for new students; it's lengthy I take it. The necessary people to make those updates are already gone for the day.... No school for Lacey Monday AND I still have to hand deliver the papers to the school Monday.  lol

Fast forward a few hours. It's 8 o'clock and we're at Wal-Mart. Why, you ask? A toothbrush.

The Call

This afternoon, while attempting a workout, my phone rings from an unknown number...
A few seconds later it beeped to notify me of a voicemail.
It was a caseworker at the Children's Division. She had a possible placement if we were interested. I called her right back to get more details. She told me the situation and as much detail as she could. Michael and I agreed to open our home to our first foster placement.

The hours after that were kinda a blur or getting fresh sheets on the bed and impatiently waiting for them to arrive. The call came before 4 pm and they had arrived about 6:30 pm. It was a rush of information and emotion.

Maddie and the little girl seemed to click right away; off they went as the caseworker talked to us a little more. The little girl wasn't showing any signs of being scared or shy at all. She seems perfectly happy, healthy and thriving. Maddie showed her around and they carried all her things into her room. Later she asked if she could show me one of her dresses. Of course! Then she had bracelets to show. She and Maddie have matching pj's and they thought that was pretty cool. 

At bedtime I suggested we read some stories. She offered her new book we could all read together. Maddie asked if she could sleep in the room also. She got the top bunk. My heart melted as Maddie and her new sister bonded. Maddie didn't want her to be alone in the room, how sweet. Makes my heart full!!

The girls were tucked in bed. I asked if anyone wanted hugs (didn't want to push). She thought for just a second and said, "I do!" I gave both girls hugs, turned on a recorded story and shut off the lights. 

I came to the computer to finish last night's blog. My heart was so full and so broken all at the same time. I hadn't quite processed it all when my friend texted. She said something I needed to hear. Another rush of emotion. I burst into tears. No one can prepare you for this, and it's just the beginning.

If I can make even a small difference in the lives of these kids who need to feel loved and safe, I'll know my heart drug me into the right direction. My "broken" heart will heal (sort-of). As long as I do what I can to give them what they need, even for a short while, it will be worth it.

PCOS to Foster Care

For some time now, years actually, I've had the desire to adopt (possible even before Maddie was born). It never seemed to be something we could do, it was always just beyond what I thought we could achieve. 

Somehow the notion (is that the word?!) of Foster Care came up in my heart. I ignored it, or tried. I remember having a discussion with my best friend November of 2015 and it just didn't seem right for us then.

Fast forward to late September- October of 2016. We were volunteering for our church "play." One of the other volunteers happened to show up with her foster child. (She was at the church's play the year before with foster children - when I was ignoring the feeling) Hours before this play practice/scene setup I had asked for prayers from a Facebook group I'm in (I was having a tough time and didn't know what to do. Prayers always help.)... Anyway, when I saw her with that baby... Idk, it was like a sign. A giant neon sign, saying "Misty, THIS is what you're supposed to do." Call me crazy. Tell me you don't believe. I do. 

She gave me info on whom and where to call. Within a couple weeks I had gotten a call back saying the first training night was the next evening! I'm telling you, a sign. It's like it all lined up perfectly.

We took 9 weeks of training. In mid-late December our classes were over; all our paperwork was in and home changes done, and we were licensed. We were put on "the list" the Friday before Christmas. It seemed like we would get a call any minute after. All weekend I remember being antsy for "the call"... it didn't come. If you're a foster parent you know that feeling.

Just last night my husband and I were talking about how long it seemed to have been since our classes ended, and still no call. We were a little confused. I remember thinking are we even on "the list" and maybe even looking back through email to check. We were.

Since 2011....

2011..? - I started this blog way back then, almost 6 years ago. I started it to "document" my journey, share my past, experiences, and my struggles. Somehow along the way I lost the reason I started this; to share with you. Maybe I was overwhelmed, sad/depressed, hopeless, or just plain pissed that I felt helpless. Either way....

I don't know if I ever finished the stories about the beginning. Probably not. Sorry about that to anyone who actually read this or was interested. Hopefully I'll get around to it... before 6 more years! haha

It's already 2017, holy cow. We're still the same family of 3, for now. Maddie is now 10. I can hardly believe how time has flown by! We have moved a couple times since then (I'm not even sure where we lived when I started this. lol)

***Once again things got hectic last night and I lost my train of thought. Go figure! lol