Our 2nd placement

A couple weeks (maybe just a week) after our first placement went to live with family we got another call. Again, it was a flurry of emotions and waiting for them to get here. I'm just going to give a brief post about this placement... The time while they were here was busy and I didn't have much time for blogging.

It was a sibling group of 2, an 8 year old boy, and a 3 year old girl. They did have 2 older half/step siblings that we did not have room for.

I'm not going to go into detail, but this placement was great for the first few days, and then it wasn't. On the 4th night the 3 year old had a night terror. Let me just say, I have never seen one before and hope I never do again! It was a school night, and we also had a training class early the next day --not a fun night for anyone. From there it was just a roller coaster of them seeming to take turns being "the good one" and "the bad one"(the boy lied to no end, had enormous attitude with rules and towards Maddie on certain things, the 3 year old threw the most outrageous SCREAMING temper-tantrums it was unreal, for HOURS on end, wouldn't communicate or would just stare blankly when talked to her -to name a few). It seemed they could never both be on their best behavior at the same time. It was trying, it was emotional, it was hard, and it was tiring!!

The weekly visits with the "Parents" (mom, sometimes dad/step-dad) and sister/step-sister always brought fun attitude back for the next few days from the boy. On one occasion the attitude lasted a whole week! Great.... At first they were having daily calls to mom from our phone (don't get me started), but that soon came to an end. The mom never seemed to follow the "rules" of calls, nor was she ever following our time frame of HER CALLING them. The calls themselves were a giant waste of my time and energy - they had to be supervised, and the conversations were pointless and repetitive. The boy never wanted to talk, almost always refused, on more than one occasion we asked him to at least say "HI" to her, then he would take attitude out on Maddie. (That does not fly with me.) Thankfully the caseworker stopped them "for the time being" but, that ended up being for good.

There was so much emotional and behavioral issues with this placement we were at a loss. We were in over our heads in a sense on some issues. Just trying to make it day by day. There was so much we kept finding out and more issues (possibility-not yet diagnosed- of the 3 year old having some form of autism, which we have no experience or solid knowledge of, nor an idea on how to "deal" with it) and abuse/neglect "charges" came to light.... I can't explain it. It was unreal and overwhelming! I am sure you are thinking it doesn't sound so bad or we're exaggerating in some way. I'm not even scratching the surface here. I can't explain unless you were here and saw it, even the people closest to us didn't see it all.

The second week in March they were sent back to live with their mom... I'm not sure that's the best for them, but I honestly hope they are safe and cared for there. It's been pretty peaceful around here.

**sorry for any typos and misspellings, this was a quick rambling post**

A couple quotes

"A Foster Mother's Love for Orphans is MORE POWERFUL Than Their Fear of 
Their Own EMOTIONAL SUFFERING." -Sheila Chester




I couldn't find the quote I was looking for, this one is close. My friend sent me a quote today that sums it up perfectly for me (above). 

The long goodbye.

We had a nice weekend hanging out, making memories. On Monday everything was turned into our school district. She should be able to start that Tuesday.

My alarm went off, I headed straight for the bathroom to get ready for the day. Michael went the opposite direction to wake up the girls and make sure they were ready on time. Sounded like the first day ever Maddie didn't have a need to "stretch" (her automatic excuse for being slow). They were both up and ready well before I was. 

I was finishing up when I noticed a text. The caseworker had text about 7:20 am. The text said something to the effect of Lacey will have a visit with her mom at noon and we've found an aunt she'll go to live with right after her parent visit. Keep her home from school if you're able.  .......??!!! What?! We were literally about to walk out the door to school, shoes on, backpacks ready, coats in hand. 

I call Michael into the room and show him the text. I'm sure my face was not a pleasant one. I was confused. We quickly made a new plan; told the girls about the text (they were shocked and confused as well). Then Michael was on his was to take Maddie to school. (He ended up telling me later that Maddie had cried on the way to school. Lacey wasn't happy at the news, but no tears.)

I just stood there for what seemed like an hour. What was happening? How could this be happening so fast? How is this what's best for her reunification with her Mom? We had made plans for that evening with my parents to eat Pizza Hut and the next night have a birthday party for Lacey. I quickly text my mom saying cancel the plans. I also text my best friend just to vent. I was still confused. Where had this aunt been all this time?! WHY hadn't she been making plans before now? Honestly I was pissed. I'm not even sure why or where this feeling was coming from.

By the time Michael had made it home Lacey and I had packed up her belongings along with a few donated items from a new friend of Lacey's. (She wanted to take all P's donated things, btw lol). All of her items in backpacks, small shopping-style bags and Walmart bags. The best we could do on such short notice (some of which she came here with). All packed into the car for later that afternoon.

I'll spare you the long, drawn out, confusing, and downright irritating day. It was a mess we'll just say. It ended with a call from the CW saying the team wasn't fully on board with the move, she'd just stay with us a couple more days if that was alright. Of course I wasn't about to move her again, just to turn around and move her again to the aunt's.

The rest of the week was mostly Lacey and I hanging out at home. Mostly doing nothing. A few games, chitchat, and reading breaks. Less quiet reading alone was going on than I would have liked, but I didn't want to push. We went ahead with the Pizza Hut dinner, where they gave her a whole tray of brownies (had to share with the rest of us, too much sugar for one!). After, we let her pick out a cake and decorations to add to it for the party the following day. 

Thursday around 7:30 am another text from the CW... "If I come get her in an hour can you have her things gathered and ready?" Her stuff was mostly still packed and ready from before, no sense in unpacking. I then realized she still had stuff in our car, but Michael wasn't home from work. The CW said it was fine she'd just get it later (again, for some reason, that really annoyed me. Why couldn't she just wait a few minutes so Lacey could take all of her belongings at once? She'd been through enough without leaving things behind). Luckily they hadn't gotten very far down the road when Michael pulls in. She was able to take all of her stuff with her to her aunt's (by this time Lacey was more accepting of the move). As I put the last bag in the car (Lacey was already buckled in, new art set on her lap, ready to go) I tried to tell her bye, I'd miss her, and I hope she liked her aunt's house, but she was not very responsive. Honestly, that hurt for a second. I realized later she was "behind a wall" trying to protect herself from more hurt, or so I imagine....

This is hard. A different kind of hard than anyone can prepare you for. At the same time, it's a good kind of hard..  💔

First 24-ish Hours

Another crazy day. Maybe not "crazy" exactly, just busy and more to do than I expected. It seems like it has been more than one day. Has it really only been 24 hours since my last post? Wow... and I thought I was tired before. haha I've heard it's a bigger change going from 1 to 2 kiddos than it is going from 2 to 3 kiddos. Let's just say, going from one to two was enough of a change in a short time.

When my alarm went off this morning I wasn't even sure I'd slept. I was a bit confused as to why it was going off so soon after I closed my eyes. The girls, on the other hand, seemed to sleep peacefully.

Lacey (our newest addition) hopped right up and was eager to go for the day. Maddie, not so much. Big surprise there. A couple more tries and she was out of bed, too.

I walked to my bathroom to brush my teeth while they were getting ready. I turn around and there is Lacey with a dress. "Can I wear this?!" She asked with an eager smile. It's a snowy 10ish degrees here. How do I tell her no without hurting her feelings? As carefully and caring as I could, that's how. I explain that it's too cold out for a dress; I don't want her to be cold. Let's pick something else.

The "something else" turned into a bit of a process. She had just gotten a new Hello Kitty short-sleeved shirt and leggings. Her second choice. Umm... again, it's 10 degrees... I thought let's throw some jeans on under the shirt (no thicker leggings to choose from) and add a sweater. Do you know how hard it is to match Hello Kitty pink? Pretty dang hard it turns out! A couple trip ups later, she has one of Maddie's thin jackets stuffed into her backpack, just in case she gets cold. Hair in a pony and boots picked out to wear. No toothbrush.

Her caseworker shows up to transport her to school (I'll spare you more details lol). She would stop by the office to pick up a toothbrush.  She informs me that we will be transferring her to our school district, and I'll need to sign a form. She will let her school know this will be her last day and I'll be there to pick her up at the end of the day. OK... I didn't take it as a definite, right now kinda thing. For some reason I was expecting that process on her end to be lengthy and she'd let me know more later.

Afternoon rolls around and still no sign or call. I text to confirm the plan. No answer. A bit later (sorry, I honestly have no idea of time) I call. No answer. By this time it is getting closer to 2... I'm thinking if I have to get things signed at the school I need to know a definite. Thankfully she calls back within a few minutes. Off to the school office it is.

To make a long story simi-short all the paperwork gets signed and turned into our school district. It's after 3 by now. We make a mad dash to Maddie's school so we don't miss her getting off the bus at home (we're not there!). I brief the secretary that they'll more than likely have a new student Monday (the lady at the central office seemed to think it would be finished in time).

Rushing to get to Lacey's school by 3:35 pm when they let out. We didn't quit make that time, but all was fine there. The ladies in this office hand me a packet of papers and say this is all her new school will need. OK. I explained the other school should be faxing them a form or emailing one to give permission for the papers to be transferred. I don't really understand why but they really wanted me to hand deliver this packet, and almost refused to fax them. I still don't get it. I guess they thought it'd be faster this way.....?? All still seemed well.

As we're on our way home the phone rings. It's the new school. Hmmm... not too concerned, figured it was just a question or 2. The secretary informs me she spoke to the principal and since her papers are not there they can't, by law, let her start Monday. (Insert head banging here. Thanks other school for not also faxing) I gladly offer to bring her the packet, we're in the car anyway. Apparently there are some kind of updates they have to make to their system for new students; it's lengthy I take it. The necessary people to make those updates are already gone for the day.... No school for Lacey Monday AND I still have to hand deliver the papers to the school Monday.  lol

Fast forward a few hours. It's 8 o'clock and we're at Wal-Mart. Why, you ask? A toothbrush.

The Call

This afternoon, while attempting a workout, my phone rings from an unknown number...
A few seconds later it beeped to notify me of a voicemail.
It was a caseworker at the Children's Division. She had a possible placement if we were interested. I called her right back to get more details. She told me the situation and as much detail as she could. Michael and I agreed to open our home to our first foster placement.

The hours after that were kinda a blur or getting fresh sheets on the bed and impatiently waiting for them to arrive. The call came before 4 pm and they had arrived about 6:30 pm. It was a rush of information and emotion.

Maddie and the little girl seemed to click right away; off they went as the caseworker talked to us a little more. The little girl wasn't showing any signs of being scared or shy at all. She seems perfectly happy, healthy and thriving. Maddie showed her around and they carried all her things into her room. Later she asked if she could show me one of her dresses. Of course! Then she had bracelets to show. She and Maddie have matching pj's and they thought that was pretty cool. 

At bedtime I suggested we read some stories. She offered her new book we could all read together. Maddie asked if she could sleep in the room also. She got the top bunk. My heart melted as Maddie and her new sister bonded. Maddie didn't want her to be alone in the room, how sweet. Makes my heart full!!

The girls were tucked in bed. I asked if anyone wanted hugs (didn't want to push). She thought for just a second and said, "I do!" I gave both girls hugs, turned on a recorded story and shut off the lights. 

I came to the computer to finish last night's blog. My heart was so full and so broken all at the same time. I hadn't quite processed it all when my friend texted. She said something I needed to hear. Another rush of emotion. I burst into tears. No one can prepare you for this, and it's just the beginning.

If I can make even a small difference in the lives of these kids who need to feel loved and safe, I'll know my heart drug me into the right direction. My "broken" heart will heal (sort-of). As long as I do what I can to give them what they need, even for a short while, it will be worth it.