Dear PCOS, I hate you

It's just one of those times that I realize how much I really hate PCOS. I have so much going through my head. I want another baby more than almost anything. Maddie wants to be a big sister, and she wants a baby "brover". :) I KNOW this is no reason to jump on the baby band wagon, but I was already on that wagon before she expressed her feelings. Hubby is also on the wagon, just less "obsessing" about. He takes the whole, we can't MAKE it happen so why worry attitude... I'm the opposite. Not obsessed, just very much aware my "right" as a women is sort-of taken away. It's not up to me and my husband to say, "Yes, we're ready, we want number 2." It's up to my body (and God of course!) to say I'll work right and produce a healthy egg.... Which could possibly never happen. It's hard to accept that fact.
I love the 3 of us as a family, and IF it's just the 3 of us forever I'll deal with it. I won't ever accept it, I can't make that want go away. I have prayed that if I'm not meant for another to please take this want away... Well, the want is still here. I know the pregnancy will be risky for a few reasons and really hard on my body (especially with Fibro, RA, and OA), but that doesn't even take that want away.... nothing does. It's been four years of no b/c, trying,  not TRYING or preventing, then trying again. My period was something like 5 days late. For the past few months even a year, it's been really regular. Then last cycle it came about 4 days late, and now this month was later than "usual"... This is what makes it suck even more. It's one thing to feel like there is no way, but then PCOS messes with the "normal" cycle length and gives you that tiniest glimmer of hope.... and then crushes it in seconds!! I HATE you PCOS, I hate you... You give me a glimmer of hope then swipe it away. You make my emotions go up and down faster than a roller coaster. You even have the power to make me doubt my worth or abilities as a woman.... This is one roller coaster I want off of. I just wish I had some answers and ideas on how to control you, PCOS.