Our 2nd placement

A couple weeks (maybe just a week) after our first placement went to live with family we got another call. Again, it was a flurry of emotions and waiting for them to get here. I'm just going to give a brief post about this placement... The time while they were here was busy and I didn't have much time for blogging.

It was a sibling group of 2, an 8 year old boy, and a 3 year old girl. They did have 2 older half/step siblings that we did not have room for.

I'm not going to go into detail, but this placement was great for the first few days, and then it wasn't. On the 4th night the 3 year old had a night terror. Let me just say, I have never seen one before and hope I never do again! It was a school night, and we also had a training class early the next day --not a fun night for anyone. From there it was just a roller coaster of them seeming to take turns being "the good one" and "the bad one"(the boy lied to no end, had enormous attitude with rules and towards Maddie on certain things, the 3 year old threw the most outrageous SCREAMING temper-tantrums it was unreal, for HOURS on end, wouldn't communicate or would just stare blankly when talked to her -to name a few). It seemed they could never both be on their best behavior at the same time. It was trying, it was emotional, it was hard, and it was tiring!!

The weekly visits with the "Parents" (mom, sometimes dad/step-dad) and sister/step-sister always brought fun attitude back for the next few days from the boy. On one occasion the attitude lasted a whole week! Great.... At first they were having daily calls to mom from our phone (don't get me started), but that soon came to an end. The mom never seemed to follow the "rules" of calls, nor was she ever following our time frame of HER CALLING them. The calls themselves were a giant waste of my time and energy - they had to be supervised, and the conversations were pointless and repetitive. The boy never wanted to talk, almost always refused, on more than one occasion we asked him to at least say "HI" to her, then he would take attitude out on Maddie. (That does not fly with me.) Thankfully the caseworker stopped them "for the time being" but, that ended up being for good.

There was so much emotional and behavioral issues with this placement we were at a loss. We were in over our heads in a sense on some issues. Just trying to make it day by day. There was so much we kept finding out and more issues (possibility-not yet diagnosed- of the 3 year old having some form of autism, which we have no experience or solid knowledge of, nor an idea on how to "deal" with it) and abuse/neglect "charges" came to light.... I can't explain it. It was unreal and overwhelming! I am sure you are thinking it doesn't sound so bad or we're exaggerating in some way. I'm not even scratching the surface here. I can't explain unless you were here and saw it, even the people closest to us didn't see it all.

The second week in March they were sent back to live with their mom... I'm not sure that's the best for them, but I honestly hope they are safe and cared for there. It's been pretty peaceful around here.

**sorry for any typos and misspellings, this was a quick rambling post**

Life is unfair.

As I watched the movie Trolls with Maddie, again, I was overwhelmed with emotion... From the Trolls movie? Idk. Anyway.

I sat there rocking and caring for a baby that isn't mine; I couldn't help but feel so confused and emotional. There is no way this baby's mom has grasped what an amazing gift she was given and seemingly almost threw away. I can't figure out why things work out the way they do. Certain things just don't add up or make sense to me. How could a woman ever carry a baby, a life, inside her and do anything that wouldn't be the absolute best for that little life?

A very good friend of mine lost her baby due to an early miscarriage, while a baby was born to a woman who was not at all ready to be a mom. (That's the nicest way I can put it. Not what I really wanted to say...) Why do some women get such an amazing gift who seem so undeserving while others endure such pain and heartache? Or even that empty, yearning feeling so many face? This "part" of life will never make sense to me. I know God has a plan, and there is a reason for this unfairness... but for now that doesn't bring much comfort or understanding.